For the longest time, whenever I went out and I saw a notebook that I loved - be it the curved design, spiral / great cover notebooks, I would end up buying them - even though I know I won't use them at all. They were pretty and of all sorts of types: spiral bind, hardcover, special editions or colors that I find absolutely amazing.

"These books must be amazing to write on" I'd imagine while buying them. Of course, I would never end up using them. They'll remain brand new or just a few pages used. I won't write on them. I won't doodle on them. Not even a scribble. They remain empty, without a story. Stacked across my table alone.

The perfect pages - do they deserve my blot of imperfect ink?

I think it mostly attributes to the way I have been brought up. In my home, a five year old TV remote still has its plastic wrapper on it. Apparently, it helps keep the remote fresh and new.

We still reuse that twenty rupees water bottle we bought three trips ago. We still have the built-in screen protector that came with the phone - un-removed.

All of this things were passed down to me by my parents - it's a way to keep things new and shiny. I mean, no one likes scratches on something new that they bought! So let's keep it in as much as protective packaging it was shipped with - that way, they'll be new and shiny for ever and we'll never have to see them age. Nice!

Maybe that's why even now, when I buy a book or a device or a novel or a bag or anything I like, I am too scared to use it. Too scared to watch it age. I carry it with the tip of my fingers, not to crease or fold anything by mistake! Be gentle with it, like it was a baby uranium waiting to explode in the slightest of scratches.

Casio watches are made to scratch

Around a few years back - I bought Casio A158w - a watch known for it's durablity and sustainablity. This little fellow could go 10 years without a battery change! I've read stories about it being lost in the sea, found years later to be perfectly working. It's a Nokia 3310 - but for watches!

And it did also have a sexy vintage look.

So when I first unboxed it in my hand - there it was, with a watch-face protector. A part of my head wanted it to be kept on - I don't want my brand-new watch being scratched because of my carelessness! But there was this other part of my head that said: Who cares? If I'm not using it then why even buy it!?

This time, I peeled it off. It was pretty satisfying. Looking at the watch face - shiny, and as intended.

The beauty of aging

In a span of six months, that watch ended up having scraped to hell and heaven. It had been on treks, outings, spilled drinks, had it fall from a floor, and scraped against walls unintentionally.

And of course, it had it's scratches. Lot's of them. But for some reason it didn't look weird. In fact, there was this beauty in those scratches. Each of them had a meaning - I do remember discovering each of those marks and having a drop in my heartbeat - all the well - that it still works. Rugged.

I then look at my notebooks.

What are notebooks made for? To jot down my ideas, ofcourse. To slide my pen through it, blots of ink. Scratches. Mistakes that are made right. Thoughts framed, articulated into words that look like it's written by a camel. Doodles. Important Notes. Creases on it's corners - a proof of my work towards the interplay between my brain it's thoughts and my ability to keep track and act on them. Proof that I leave behind something.

But why did they lie empty, unused and unscathed?

What's the point if I'm not using it to its fullest potential?

Often times, I find the books that are the most rugged - pages barely holding together, begging for another bind - have the most beatiful ideas, if not, showcase the most hardwork. Someone had to pick up a pen to copy down, write or articulate something. Thoughts materialized.

It was beautiful.

And the fact that I wasn't using these books was an insult to the manifestation of thoughts. It is an insult to the trees that were cut down, to the manufacturers who printed them. It is an insult to my ancestors - the ancient humans who engineered a notebook to hold their ideas. It is an insult to Da Vinci. Napolean. And every single human being on earth.

Well, I guess I have to write in my notebooks.